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A gift to yourself: Count your blessings

It has been a very challenging year, indeed. We experienced extreme anxiety due to uncertainty and isolation and we found ourselves witnessing a real life episode of Black Mirror, at best. New words entered our daily vocabulary and extreme measures of the past – like quarantines- become our 2020 reality. Throughout this year, many of us lost their loved ones, lost their jobs, lost their wellbeing. As numbers prove, stress levels spiked, and the use of anti-depressants, too. When everything is changing it is only human to seek for something to soothe the pain.

Yet, fear is still all over us. The media sublty kill any ray of optimism and we still haven’t found a place to feel safe and secure. As we are looking for a strong person to lean on, though, sometimes we overlook the most obvious of them: ourselves. It is not a cliche, but a reality, that we have so much strenght in us that we are equipped to face everything. But, as we flood our minds and hearts with negative thoughts and emotions, this strengths is harder to be found. This year, the importance of mindful living was beyond dispute. Even WHO suggested as a coping mechanism to Covid-19 related stress to focus on our breath and allow ourselves some time to relax and unwind. So, this is a silver lining: this year, many of us got the chance to rediscover ourselves. We had too much time on our hands and we needed to reinvent ways to spend it. Some remembered how important family is and others respect themselves for their endurance while lonely. We managed to look beyond our personal interest and to be kind to strangers. We supported in ways that we haven’t done so ever before and we realize the power and wisdom of nature.

As the year is ending and we are hoping that magically when the numbers changed and 2021 comes life will be better at a glance. Well, you know what, it might as well be better, if we manage to distance ourselves from the noice and focus on what really matters. Take some time to count your blessings. You are here, you are alive. You found your way to cope with this and now you are walking towards the end of the tunnel. You have more power than you thought and this is something you should acknowledge. Reward yourself for 2020, breathe in gratefulness, breathe out negativity. We are here, now. The worst part is behind us. Let’s make sure our minds and hearts know it.

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A life without regrets

Is it really possible? Can we live a life without guilt, regret and remorse?  Given that our mind is like velcro for negative thinking, feeling guilty is easier and more natural, than forgiveness. In fact, there are situations when feeling guilty is more like a shield: we say to the inner critic “Look, I am not taking pride on my achievements, actually I acknowledge that I could have done better”.

Crazy as it might seem, this somehow resonates with most of us. Perhaps because we all have some examples of conditioning that we have experienced- with hard wired fears and beliefs about ourselves that we accept without judging them. In this harsh relationship with ourselves, there is no room for forgiveness when a mistake actually occurs. What we need is a plan, a strategy to cope with guilt and move on.

First and foremost, we need to acknowledge and accept the mistake we ‘ve done, regardless how minor or big it was. We need to experience the emotional and physical reaction that  remorses bring along, until we reach the point to understand that to err is human. It can take you one minute or days, it doesn’t matter; you might  even see that you are not ready to deal with it right now, so just put a pin in it and come back when you feel ready.  The only thing that matters, is that at some point,  you will start considering forgiveness as a possibility.

Throughout this process try to talk to yourself as you would talk to your friends and follow your own advice.  We tend to be softer and more compassionate when it comes to others and so much harsher when it comes to ourselves. Hence, empathy is the cornerstone of guilt free relationships, including the one we have with our self. Being kind is not a sign of softness or indulgence, it is realism. We all make mistakes and we all deserve to be forgiven.

The key to a life without regrets is to be in touch with our emotions and our thoughts. Conditioning together with our inner critic will always find ways to make us doubt, inserting thoughts of guilt where least expected. If we practice what we preach- don’t believe in anything you think- they we will be able to distance ourselves from our thoughts, to notice them, without accepting or internalizing them. This mindful stance towards life is the result of regular meditation and breathing exercises that ultimately allow us to take control over our thoughts and emotions. If you wonder why you should engage in mindfulness, take a second to picture this: how would you feel if one day you wake up without the burden of regrets in your heart? Well, this is why.

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Kindness can save the world

Finally, we have a reason to be optimistic about: at the end of the tunnel, there is a vaccine. But, is this the only antidote against sickness, let alone a pandemic? Don’t get us wrong we do believe in science- science is the backbone of Solas VR meditation app. But, it seems like our society has made a step forward, and organisations like WHO embrace the power of behaviour: “Be kind to yourself and others”, we read in this 5 points list on how to cope with the pandemic.

Kindness can save the world. Because being kind is the reflection of a calm and confident mind and a warm soul. Kindness is like the tip of the iceberg: what lies beyond is massive, it takes time to build, and it can change lives forever.

“Be kind to yourself and others”, we read. The first step is the hardest, though. How can we be kind to ourselves when our mind is filled with criticism, guilt and unfulfilled expectations? We have already discussed how conditioning shapes our understanding of the present: deep-rooted beliefs about ourselves uglify the perception of the lives we live. When we feel like we are not good enough, we develop a defensive posture against the world and other people. We feel that we deserve more, we tend to compare ourselves to others and sometimes even feel jealous. How can anyone be gentle amid this emotional turmoil?

If you want to be kind to yourself and others, start by creating some space between yourself and your thoughts. Don’t believe everything you think; your thoughts are not necessarily right because they are not necessarily yours. Take some distance and gently notice what passes through your mind. This is the essence of mindfulness: our ability to distance ourselves from our thoughts and emotions and be capable to separate what really serves us from the rest.

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Mindful during lockdown

It is a conscious effort that we need to make to stay balanced and mindful during the lockdown. According to the World Health Organization, this insecurity puts extra pressure on ourselves and stress rates have skyrocketed during the spring lockdown. It is no surprise that WHO has published a guide on how to stay grounded and mindful as the top cope mechanism for stress management amidst the pandemic. The main idea, to focus on the breath and create some space between ourselves and our thoughts and emotions is the backbone of mindfulness practice- and the Solas VR app, of course.

At the same time, mental health experts alert the management teams for burnout symptoms that might occur to first-line workers. During this Covid-19 era, health workers are under tremendous pressure, physically, psychologically and mentally. If they fail to manage their stress, this will have a profound impact on their mental health, relationships and work performance. Now, more than ever, microbreaks are so crucial to their daily routine. And, most of all, this is why we need to approach them with empathy, deep understanding and kindness. 

There is a silver lining though, even now in these unprecedented times. The world has slowed so we can rediscover ourselves. We have more time in our hands, and this is the greatest gift one can receive. We can spend more time with our family; we can set off a personal journey to find our inner peace, now that it is needed the most. We can rethink our thoughts, address our conditioned patterns, change our mindset hence our reality.

What we all need to do, in fact, is to be gentle to ourselves and to others. This challenge will make us stronger, as individuals and as communities, as long as we focus on the moment and try to make the best out of it.  So, take a deep breathe and as you exhale allow the anxiety and frustration to go away.

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How to make the right decision

How can you be sure to make the right decision when everything around us is so unstable? In these unprecedent times we don’t feel confident enough to make plans for the following weekend as a lockdown might turn our lives upside down, again. Covid-19 challenges our everyday habits, our personal and professional life and our mental health as well, as a recent article by The Sunday Times highlighted. We become more and more restricted and we get to feel that we have less time and less space to act.

But, decision making needs space: a clear mind to set the goals, to balance the pros and cons, to stand upon our conclusions and to be patient enough to wait for the outcomes. Because, decisions are hard to make, even in less unstable times. As the famous author and psychiatrist Irvin Yalom states it ”

Decision invariably involves renunciation: for every yes there must be a no, each decision eliminating or killing other options (the root of the word decide means “slay,” as in homicide or suicide).

Hence, now is when you need some mental space the most. You need to find, or even invent new ways to battle the stress and anxiety, to clear your mind and cope with everything. If you are an experience meditator, you already know where the answer lays. But, if you haven’t yet used these ancient, wise techniques to empty and focus your mind, start today. The simplest tool is a breathing exercise, like the one here, that teaches you how to focus on your breath and let everything else go. When you become familiar with this, you will realize that you can access your inner peace at any time, as long as you breathe.

 

By all means, nothing compares to a walk in nature where you can lay by a creek and enjoy the sounds of theh nature or the mere silence, that will allow your mind to make the right decisions. Just put your VR headset on and let the VR technology and our 360 videos from Irish landscape give your mind what it needs: some space.

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Still is the new busy

When someone tells you that they work long hours and they can’t take a break, how do you label them? Well, if you belong to the majority,  then you probably think of them as successful. Being (too) busy has become a signal for success and responsibility. People are proud to have no time for themselves. But, let us tell you one thing: Overworking is yesterday’s news, the present wants us to be present. 

Staying still for a while is not laziness, it’s a skill. It takes time and effort to clear the mind from intrusive thoughts and allow the brain to be empty and still for some minutes. Connected to the breath, disconnected from any worries, still and refreshed.

Being busy is the outcome of a frustrated, overwhelmed mind. You have too many thoughts and triggers that it becomes hard to prioritize, and this causes confusion. In turn, it fogs your judgment and it raises the levels of anxiety, so in the end, this whole process is counterproductive.

On the other hand, taking some time off during the day, like a micro- break in our app, allows the mind to unwind, refocus and regain interest in the subsequent task. It is scientifically backed up, but if you want to test the theory yourself, just sign up for free in the app and take a walk in the irish nature. Stand still, notice what’s going on around you and inside you and be more.

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What Is mindfulness?

Einstein used to say that if you can’t explain an idea simply, then you haven’t fully understood what you are talking about. Let’s put this to the test, with the example of mindfulness. What is mindfulness? Can you answer this with just a few words? Let’s make it a bit easier (or harder) by saying that mindfulness is not meditation and it is not any kind of hypnotic trance. Have you made up a simple definition?

Well, mindfulness is about thinking your thoughts and emotions, while they happen. Like you can hack your automated thinking and feeling processes in order to identify patterns, to avoid irrational thoughts and to smoothly talk yourself out of panic and distress. This is why we say that mindfulness is closely related to science, as its starting point is the complexity of mind functions and how it can lead to faulty judgements.

Conditioning, risk aversion, our need to predict the future sometimes based on really poor evidence, there are all processes that we have internalized at early age and now they feed a vicious circle. We regret about the past , we worry about the future and amidst all these we forget to experience the presence. Mindfulness practice teaches us how to connect with the present by focusing (usually) on the breath and then kindly and without judgement to really notice how we feel. During a mindfulness session you will allow your mind to unwind and you will be able to notice your thoughts and their physical manifestations.

What makes mindfulness so valuable is that it resonates with science and spirituality and it is a great approach to dealing with challenging times, to connecting with ourselves and to tame panic and anxiety, by breaking the pattern. So, even if you are not an experienced meditator, the next time you feel anxious or tensed try to focus and your breath, put you hand on your heart and calmly tell yourself “it is just my thoughts and my thoughts can’t hurt me”. The more you practice, the easier will be for you to identify your thoughts and emotions and to label them without criticism or self punishment.

So, mindfulness is a state of better self-understanding that drastically impacts our well-being. Although it is a kind of mental exercise, you won’t need to sweat or to push yourself; it will come naturally, as all things that are right do.

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What about affirmations?

Are Affirmations useful? (Affirmations are useful)

Affirmations are a popular tool among meditators and wellbeing seekers, as they seem to be effective, in a subconscious and subtle way. When we talk about affirmations, we refer to small, positive sentences in present tense that we repeat to ourselves. In other words, affirmations are our wishes and goals rephrased as if they have already become true. Check this post’s title for an example in the parenthesis. Instead of wondering or doubting ourselves, when embracing the affirmative language, we engage to positive self-talk and motivational thinking. As we repeat to ourselves phrases like “I am safe”, “I am loved” etc, we persuade in a way our subconscious that this is our current state. Hence, we start acting like we really are safe and loved, putting aside insecurities and fears.

These short and clear sentences can be written in a journal or repeated daily, for as long as you need to internalize them. They are not panaceas (nothing is) but they can be really transformative if we select the right phrases, that directly address our fears and aspirations. Meditation is also a great time to repeat your affirmations as you are in direct contact with your inner self. As most experienced meditator already know, during the loving kindness meditations we repeat soothing phrases like “May I be Safe”, “May I be loved” etc, doing the exact same thing as with affirmations. The key to success is consistency and clearness: You don’t have to affirm several different things at the same time, it is better to focus on few. And, choose a time during your day, even put a reminder, to repeat your affirmations to yourself. If you only do it once in a while or in times of emergency only, you cut back their effectiveness. After all, affirmations try to change hard wired beliefs about ourselves and the world that we adopted probably as children. Isn’t it only natural that this effort will take time? (Yes, it is).

 

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We are born to be in the nature

Look around you: how much of nature do you see? Perhaps some trees or the sea? Or it is all concrete and urban living? Don’t worry, we also live in the heart of big cities; but is it the optimal state for humans? “Are they going to ask everyone to move in the woods?” you might wonder. Well, no, the solution of a problem is not to move it to a new setting. But, we are designed to live in nature, and there are tones of research to prove it.

Anthropologists and medical researchers have spent years and years living among the indigenous populations of Australia, Peru etc. The role of the observer is to be discrete and avoid any interference, so these outstanding scientists have lived other people’s lives, with sole scope to understand them. As you might predict, life out there is hard and challenging: they work hard, they are awake and moving 15 hours per day, they have limited medical resources. Yet, they have dramatically less cardiovascular problems and minimum depression rates. Why? What do they know that we don’t?

Following these studies, a new stream of thought has been introduced, supporting that Movement Is Medicine. Living close to nature, and following the natural pace of day and night- sleep when it’s dark, wake up when this sun is out- is an optimal state of being for our bodies. The mere exposition to natural light is so beneficial for our neurological system that in our modern life, we tend to consume supplements instead of going for a walk. Being close to the soil, sharing life with trees and animals nurtures our soul and keeps our body vigilant and strong.

You see, civilization is faster paced than biological evolution,  so we live now in the bodies designed for the life of our ancestors. The sooner we realize this, the better our lives will be. In fact, with this inherent need of humans, to be close to nature, we have decided to recreate the VR natural meditations, as it is the next best thing of really being out there.

 

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A trick to stop self criticism

Self-criticism is hard-wired in all of us. As Dr. Rick Handson puts it, our brain is like velcro for negative experiences and like Teflon for positive ones. We are raised to believe that we need to be perfect in everything- like perfection is a state anybody ever had achieved- and we struggle with ourselves and societal standards to thrive in everything. Therefore, our inner voice has an ever-growing repository of mistakes, faults and shortcomings to draw from, designed for each and every occasion we find ourselves in.

 

It is no surprise that we can rarely truly relax and enjoy the moment or even celebrate our success. The inner voice will step in to remind us that we need to be humble, that someone else outperformed us or that there is a new goal we should focus on, immediately. We are not allowed a second to stop and breath with relief. Do you now wonder why you are stressed or why you find it hard to remember the last time you were really happy?  

 

We have a trick and method to make room for self-acceptance and silence the self-criticising voice in your head. First the trick:

 

Give your inner voice a name and a character, make a persona of it. For example, you might decide that your inner voice is a woman called Cruella, she is an art curator and she lives on her own. Or that your inner voice is a spoilt boy, named Alfred, that vindicates with screams and insults rather than arguments. Ok, now you have put a face to your judge. Since our mind is programmed to engage in discussions with other humans- or humanized creatures, like pets- this is the first step to confront your inner voice and input some rational reactions to this emotional state. 

 

Now the method: Whenever this person inside you starts talking, again, be mindful and calm. Notice that “Alfred is here again” and even welcome his presence. Don’t react, just be present and focus on your breath. Allow “Alfred” to say what he wants, thank him for the input and watch him sit in silence. There is nothing more for him to say if you are fully aware of what is going on, right here and now inside your mind. Take a deep breath and take your turn to talk to yourself. With love and kindness, remind yourself that you are doing your best and this more than enough. You are on a journey of self-awareness and no one will stop you from being happy. Not Alfred, not Cruella, not your parents or society. You are you and you are unique. 

 

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